No Gifts Left Ungiven

We’re finished, and I am so happy with the results! Having completed all of the coaching sessions, I feel very confident that our hard work was totally worth it.

Out of 31 participants, all but two of them made it for their Offer meeting, where they each received their personal coaching program to guide their growth over the next six months. These meetings were incredible! They are the heart of everything we worked on. It’s difficult to convey the power of how well they were received by the participants.

The purpose of this meeting is for the participant to have an opportunity to see him or herself in a completely new way within his or her chosen leadership goal. When James offers their current way metaphor, for the first time they are able to clearly see how they are showing up. At this point many of the participants exclaimed something like “I feel like you are seeing me from inside me!” They are able to see the gifts of their current way of being, including the fact that who they are, with all that they have accomplished, has gotten them to a very progressive place of leadership in Nigeria. They are also able to see how their current way is limiting them in moving forward in the way they wish to. They get to see themselves often more clearly than ever before, and coming from an unbiased coaching perspective allows them to see their way of being for what it is, not good or bad. They see that as they move forward, these positive qualities of the current way are transcended and included. As one man exclaimed, “I see that I don’t have to abandon the good qualities of my Current Way, I can use them as a springboard to achieve new things, and facilitate growth to my New Way.”

Because the process is very collaborative, it allows James to continuously check with the participant to make sure that what he’s offering truly fits her life and her experience, which also helps to solidify the participant’s understanding so that when she is on her own she is able to continue getting to see and know her Current Way(CW) in action. By seeing it in action in her life, it then starts to become object – more objective in how she knows it – which enables to her to make other choices and shift into a New Way.

The New Way metaphor image gives the participant insight into an expanded view in her goal. It includes the strengths of the CW, and goes beyond it by building the new qualities necessary for her to become successful. James worked with each person to make sure these metaphors fit, both in terms of where they desire to grow, and in terms of the cultural differences with the images. Nearly all of metaphors he chose were culturally relevant, and he was able to work the differences in quite easily. For example, one difference was that in Nigeria, Ducks are sometimes considered house pets, and the woman who was given this metaphor pointed out that they quack when they are not treated well. This went along perfectly with this woman’s New Way, which includes setting boundaries for herself and using her voice when others don’t treat her well. Some of the metaphors James had to explain more than he would at home, simply because people didn’t have experience with certain things, though they had heard of them or seen pictures. For example, although Calabar is on the ocean, Sailboat Captain and School of Fish required a bit of explanation. This was not a problem though, as the participants quickly understood the meaning of the metaphor even if they hadn’t had direct experience of these things. They were often quite inspired to see the possibility of the New Way, and were very ready to hear what they needed to do in order to get there. This lead into the practices, which was a major chunk of the offer meetings. James had prepared five practices for each person, which will guide them through their programs all the way until June. The practices are designed to fit into their life in a sustainable way, and they are quite fun and out of the ordinary. They are different for each person, targeting their unique way in their goal. It was entertaining to hear this portion, watching how open minded they were about being asked to do things quite out of the norm. Generally people expressed a lot of enthusiasm and commitment for sticking to these practices, seeing how they would really benefit from doing them. They’ll also be supported by the next two Leading From Within retreats, their learning communities, and by Patricia, who understands the coaching process and will be available for mentoring. I am glad to see how much support they’ll have available for the sustainability of the coaching work, since James and I won’t be there.

I most loved seeing how much the group is already supporting one another in their coaching work, as well as some humorous comradely developing. For example, when James did his second presentation for the group, as he was explaining the meaning of the Current Way, one woman came into the presentation late and someone yelled out “That’s her Current Way!” One day, about half way through the week of offers, there were about five participants in the office. Two had already received their programs, and when I walked out to greet someone, I heard those two explaining to the others how beneficial it is to get the metaphors, and how important the practices are. I heard one say to the other “I’m going to be the Duck and express what’s inside me to you!” and the other responded, “I’m developing presence, which means I’m going to stay stable through intense energy.” He then proceeded to show the others his Foundation Practice – a Chi Generation pose. Another man walked in and told me he’d already started his Foundation Practice, and demonstrated it for me and the others. As the week went on and participants stopped in to the office to say hello, many reported that they have been doing their practices and can already see the benefits. I loved seeing that they are taking it seriously, with some added enjoyment and humor. Many laughed about the new things James has them doing in their programs, yet there is an earnestness in their dedication to doing the work. They expressed so much gratitude, and I feel quite hopeful that they will stick to it.

After receiving his offer, one man said, “This is so wonderful! I see a vacuum in leadership in Nigeria, and I see myself there. The leaders here need a coach – they need to take time to connect to themselves and the environment they are serving. If this is going to be a democracy, leaders need to get out and connect to the people they are presiding over. I really appreciate coming to know you. Your coaching will make us stronger. I am so happy and I appreciate you coming all this long way, taking your time to help us bring out about the needed change to Nigeria.” I am so inspired by how many of these leaders mentioned the ripple effects of this coaching work. One said to us, “know that when I go out to do great things, I am taking you with me in my heart – so we are connected, even though Canada is a long way away from Nigeria, know that your brother is here and you are with him.”

Personally, I've learned something really important from James, beyond the coaching work itself. When I've chatted on Skype with James in the past I noticed that his icon says, “No gifts left ungiven.” I've been curious about what that means to him, and this past month I really found out. There were moments when it was 11 pm and we were still working, where I wanted to find a shortcut, to find some way to make it easier. Yet, this never even seemed to be an option in James' mind. He put his whole heart into every single program for every individual, not stopping until he had found them the most fitting metaphors and the right practices to meet and serve them the most. In the coaching meetings he was fully there with the 27th person as much as the 5th. As we got more experience with the challenges people encounter in making it to the office for their meetings, James did everything he possibly could to make sure everyone could meet with him to receive their coaching program – moving things around, and working up until the evening of our last night here! I admit there was a part of me that was incredulous about actually getting everyone in and everything done, but I see now that it was because of the way he held this whole thing – that he would give everything he could to every one of the participants – that this is what came to pass. Although I am a bit sad about how much time we spent in the office, we didn't come for a tourist trip – the purpose was clear and that was fulfilled. That makes me happy in a different way.

At the same time, our health was always top priority and we took good care of ourselves. Giving as much as possible always has to include ourselves. Looking back on the month I don't know what I would have done without yoga, meditation, and my I-pod filled with songs to move me along.

While for me this isn't generally a sustainable way of working, I feel ready to leave, yet not exhausted or burnt out. I feel deeply inspired to take what I have learned and offer it to coaching clients at home, and to hold in my heart the beautiful growth that is happening here in Nigeria. Given an opportunity to spend one month offering the most possible to a group of people who are so eager to receive, I am proud to say that we leave Nigeria with no gifts left ungiven.